The five love languages is a quiz used to help people improve their relationships. The idea is that by knowing your love language and that of the other person you can better communicate with each other and better understand each other. I truly believe there is a deeper value in understanding the love languages and that value has a place outside of romantic relationships. It has value in understanding our relationships with our friends, with our family, and most importantly in understanding our relationship with ourselves.
There is a value that can be found in understanding your love language and using that knowledge to better practice self-love. That practice of self-love helps us feel more grounded physically, mentally, and spiritually and it also boosts self-confidence in all areas of our lives. There is a lot of talk about self-love but if you don’t understand how best to love yourself we can be fruitless in our attempts.
One of the unconscious benefits of the traditional five love languages quiz is the very act of doing the quiz. Taking the time to prioritize the understanding of how you best show love and how the other person does as well shows a commitment to enhancing that relationship. If you have already taken the quiz or will, later on, that first step shows a commitment to yourself.
There’s a psychological response that happens just by that very first step. Imagine saying that you want to make your morning routine a lot easier the night before is the preparation for a successful morning routine: setting the alarm, laying out your clothes making sure the coffee is prepped and your lunch is ready for you is the foundation of set success. This quiz is that prep step to figure out what works best for you as a person as you practice self-love. It is the foundation of a successful self-love routine.
Let’s review the five love languages:
Physical Touch
Quality time
Acts of service
Words of Affirmation
Gift Giving
Examples of Self Love Practices based on Love Languages
Physical Touch
Before we get into some examples I wanted to first remove the myth that self-love is selfish. Overindulgence of yourself or your desires with disregard to others is selfish, but caring for yourself, pouring into yourself is not selfish. Some of us may come from backgrounds that have taught us that self-love is a very individualistic mindset that doesn’t allow us to truly show compassion to those that we are called to love in this world. I argue as women we often give too much to others without replenishing our cup. These acts of self-love through these love languages are a way for us to continuously refill our cup in the best way that we intuitively know-how.
What Tracie demonstrates in this hand treatment is self-love by way of physical touch. In that hand massage, there is a hormonal response as she activates touchpoints in her body. Non-sexual touchpoints include the skin of your palms, the soles of your feet, lips, and eyelids. Let’s not forget that your skin is the largest organ. A simple hug of yourself can release oxytocin.
Other examples include:
- Stretching muscles- As a powerlifter, taking the time to stretch and foam roll muscles is not only essential to recovery but helps relax my body after putting it in distress during an intense workout. Even gentle stretching throughout the day can help.
- Of course, spa treatments are great, you can take extra time doing a skincare routine, running a nice bath, and taking time to use that sense of touch.
- Gua Sha lymphatic activation is another way to activate our senses and make us mindful of our body.
Quality Time (recharge)
- Prioritize quiet time. Meditation, prayer, journaling.
- Listening to calming music. I am currently a fan of the Bridgerton Soundtrack on Spotify.
- Make time for hobbies and exercise. Make sure your activity is for relaxation or release rather than output or productivity.
- Prioritize sleep or recharge. Normalize adults napping.
Acts of service-(Do for you)
- Creating systems that better serve you
- Plan out healthy meals and easy to wear outfits to make weeks run smoothly (your future self will thank you)
- Clear out the clutter in your home, on your desk, on your computer, and on devices
- Unfollow pages, people, or emails that cause distress
- Dress for the day. Groom yourself with love and care-set the tone to be ready for the day
Words of Affirmation (how we think)
- Daily affirmations, mirror talk (repeat a mantra, verse, or quote)
- Complain less, Compliment more. For every negative thought, think of 3 positive ones
- Accept compliments without self-judgment.
- Gratitude journaling, gratitude or affirmation jar
“Such as are thy habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of thy mind; for the soul is dyed by the thoughts.”
Marcus Aurelius
Gift Giving (Invest in self)
Gift-giving as a source of self-love is an investment in yourself. This is often misconstrued as going on a shopping spree which could actually have a far more negative effect because you might buy things you don’t need or overspend on your budget. Think of how you would give a gift to someone else you’re not just going to throw cash or gift card at them you’re going to think about something that they need and then that gift is an investment in their well-being and happiness and their progression towards a goal.
- Only buy what brings you joy
- Tackle a bucket list item to create memorable experiences
- Invest in coaching or a course that will help you towards your goals. You gain education and guidance
- Travel, or discover new places to gain wisdom and perspective
- Alternative can be service trips or projects that increase perspective, help you practice or learn a skill, or help you grow in solidarity with your community.
Takeaway:
Self-love is a journey. It takes dedication, devotion, and practice. It is also meant for us to be able to be the best versions of ourselves when we show up in the world. Remember that there is science behind how your body and mind react to how you treat it and how you “feed it”.